Etcetera:I feel sorry for President Jonathan

From Mr. Etcetera...
I think I am the most criticised President in
the whole world, but I want to tell this
audience that before I leave, I will be the
most praised President," said President
Goodluck Jonathan at the opening of the
52nd Annual General Meeting of the
Nigerian Bar Association at the
International Conference Centre in Abuja.
Hey guys, I guess you know that pointing fingers
is not my style, hahaha, just as I know that it
will be difficult to find a single Nigerian who
hasn't pointed fingers at President Goodluck
Jonathan since he became President. But really,
can so many fingers be pointed at a single
individual all at the same time? Some people
have gone to the extent of saying that since
Jonathan took office, everything has gone to
hell in a handbasket. Others have held him
responsible for everything that has gone wrong
in the country, from the tear in their pants to
the economy. Trust me: Nigerians are beginning
to agree that when it comes to assigning blame,
look to Jonathan first. There are some
hardliners who don't care if Jonathan wasn't
President during the civil war. He must have
been thinking about it, and that's good enough
reason for them. They even say that if he hadn't
been sticking his nose into government, the civil
war wouldn't have happened. Funny, Nigerians
have found the perfect target for dealing with
their bad days. Late to work? Blame Jonathan!
Did the soup in the fridge melt when you
weren't looking? It's Goodluck Jonathan. Can't
find your smelling socks? Jonathan! Your baby
pees on the chair, again? Jonathan. The
possibilities are endless! Hey, are we not just
being unfair to Goodluck Jonathan? We blame
him for all and everything. Even for things that
are not his fault. Let me ask you something sir
or madam, if Jonathan is to blame for
everything wrong in Nigeria today, what
becomes of the previous presidents under
whose regimes most of these problems started?
On Tuesday evening on my way back from NTA,
I stopped at the Bar Beach to buy suya. I was a
little bit early because I met the aboki lighting
his charcoal. As I waited, I saw two weird
looking rastas looking like archangels Michael
and Gabriel in their white Cele garments walk
down to just about five yards from the water,
raised their holy robes in unison like atilogwu
dancers trying to master a new dance routine
and bent down and began to defecate. Couples
of minutes later, I heard them walking back
complaining of how dirty and smelly the beach
had become from what it used to be. As they
passed by me, the taller one said "omo naija,
presido no dey try at all. See as this place don
yamayama finish, dem no dey see as those
oyinbo beach be for inside film wey we dey
watch?" At that point, I couldn't hold back my
anger. I just had to say something: "Shebi na
una just shit finish for that place so? And una
get mouth dey blame the president. Una see
him shit for there?"
We are having a distant relationship with the
truth in this country. We have developed that
rare ability to be hypocritical and not so much
as give a damn whether we are equally guilty of
the things we are blaming on others. In truth,
Goodluck Jonathan should roll up his sleeves,
spit on his palms and get to work on a lot of
things. We keep saying that corruption
escalated under his regime but why do we keep
failing to associate it with the fact that these
corrupt individuals are Nigerians? I listened to
some custom officers saying that If it wasn't for
Goodluck Jonathan's backward policies,
everything at the Nigerian borders would be
perfect. Yes, let us keep dumping everything on
Goodluck Jonathan. Even our own
responsibilities as citizens. He's the reason our
custom and police officers are more interested
in collecting bribes than fighting crime and
checking for contraband goods coming into the
country. It is also Jonathan's fault that the
security operatives at the Lagos airport have all
turned beggars. Should the president also take
the rap for the Director-General of the
Standards Organisation of Nigeria not being
able to see that the nation is littered with fake
products? Maybe Goodluck Jonathan should be
with him daily and point him towards fake
products and manufacturers. The fight to save
this country does not begin or stop at Janathan's
table. It must be an all Nigerian battle. Let the
pastors stop praying for corrupt politicians and
tell them to their faces to stop stealing public
funds. If all drivers have their complete vehicle
papers and obey traffic laws, there will be no
need to give out money to the police and we
will be on our way to a better society.
Ask yourself where your governor got the
billions he spends on frivolities? People in the
rural areas of Akwa Ibom state are living in
thatched houses and we are building another
stadium? Have you tried asking what the Abia
State Government did with the state's allocation
for eight years? Do you think President
Jonathan will be allowed a minute of sleep if he
failed to remit monies due to the states? So why
then do we pour all the blames on him? Your
governor owns empty estates in Dubai and
factories in South Africa when people of their
states are homeless and jobless, is that
Jonathan's fault too? Where did we get the
preposterous notion that President Jonathan
took office and people started having trouble
finding jobs? Did we have a zero
unemployment rate in the country before
President Jonathan? Millions of Nigerians are
working their asses out and dying as contract
staffs and casual workers, where is the NLC? Is
it not aware of the appalling working conditions
Nigerian workers are subjected to by
multinationals? Of course, it is all Jonathan's
fault. Last time I checked, Jonathan was a
president or a magician. Should he be doing the
job of the NLC too, supervising every sector of
the country at the same time? Let us be truthful
to ourselves, since when have we had good
roads in this country? Were there roads in the
country that Jonathan destroyed? Have we had
electricity in the country before President
Jonathan? We say Boko Haram started as a
result of poverty and lack of education in the
North, were there schools in the North that
Jonathan destroyed? Trust me, the architects of
Boko Haram know what they're talking about
when they say it is all Jonathan's fault.
For everyone out there, below are a list of
things Goodluck Jonathan is yet to be blamed
for, so go ahead and make your pick and let the
blame game continue: Cancer, AIDS, racism, air
pollution, sin, child porn, human meat at
Jankara market, home video, obesity, Drake
sleeping with everyone's chic, Kim Kardashian's
nude picture, tribalism and every other kind of
ism, Arsenal's trophyless seasons, Facebook,
Twitter and Wizkid's last album.