July 2016

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I came her July 2016 to pour out my heart on what I was going through. Today the same July of 2020, I am here to talk about the same thing.
Actually, I have been feeling a little sad for a while, one of two things is also presently weighing me down presently but the major one is the one of July 2016.
I became that girl.
That girl that waits for a particular person yo call, that girl that keeps nurturing this hope that he will call and says: baby, forgive me, I have been such an idiot, that girl that always wants to give him a call whenever she is happy about Something, that girls that light up when she sees his call, that girl whose whole life revolves around a particular person.
I wrote July 2016 that I didn't know how to move on, I still don't. I started think i ng about the guys that I should have given a chance, but I told them point blank I was waiting for the other guy. Very silly of me, I know. But when I look at them, I always compare them to him, and they always come up sorely lacking.
You may wonder why the comparison, I am this person that does not like changes, If I am comfortable with someone or something I don't want it to change. I have methods of doing things and I never change them no matter how old my methods are, u stick to the same things when I need to buy things and stuff.
So the idea of creating a new memory with someone new is fucking terrifying. It's not something I can even fathom.
I should have made a clean break.
I should have not been proud of being friendly with someone that hurt me.
I should have given other people chances but I didn't want to because they were genuinely nice people and I would have hurt them.
I should never have been that girl.
I should never have given someone so much power over me so much that they can hurt me later in the future.
I sincerely hope I don't come here July of the coming years to write another epistle.
Today, I am making that break.
I am taking back my power.


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